To Guard…To Hurt…To Love
C.S. Lewis wrote:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell. — The Four Loves
When I first started reading this, I thought, “Yes, you’re right, to love means to be vulnerable.” Then I thought, “Oh yay, he’s going to teach me how to love AND keep my heart intact at the same time!” But the further I read the more disturbed I became. Hobbies and luxuries - not bad. Avoiding entanglements - okay. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin - WHAT? That’s basically suffocating my heart to death! “But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” - oh…I guess I guessed correctly then.
At the beginning of the year I realized that I was not a good guard of my heart so I was determined to guard it better. I built little walls, fortified my heart, stuck little soldiers outside the walls and behind the walls. I had look-outs, scouts, and little cannons! (okay, it wasn’t really that elaborate, but you get the point). I felt lonely, confused, and not really any safer than I felt before. Finally around May I began to wonder if I had really been guarding my heart as Proverbs tells us to do or if I had been doing it all wrong. I started questioning: ”What does guarding really mean?” ”How can I guard my heart but also be vulnerable to others?” ”How do I really love someone but still guard my heart?”
By the end of the year, I had backtracked in progress. I locked up my heart and froze it, hoping it would last longer that way or something. I thought I was being wise, but I wasn’t. I made people into my enemy. What was I thinking? Isn’t loving others the 2nd greatest commandment? Isn’t loving others like Christ loves us the goal? Aren’t building relationships a core part of being human? It’s true–I just didn’t want my heart to be “wrung or possibly broken”. It hurts too much.
I tried to find the “easy way out”, but it was a dead end. There is no easy way out. Like C.S. Lewis said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.” Notice he said “certainly” not “maybe” or “perhaps”. Pain is a sure thing. Yet we are commanded to love one another. Why? Because Christ first loved us. We don’t love other people because we’re good or because they deserve it, rather we love them because Jesus deserves it. He deserves our love and he said to Simon Peter in John “Do you love me?…Feed my sheep.” Feed, care for, tend to, love - all synonyms.
To guard doesn’t mean to protect from pain. We’re not guarding our hearts from people, but rather we need to be guarding our hearts from sin. We need to guard what comes out of our hearts because the heart is the “wellspring of life“. If good stuff goes in, good stuff comes out–bad stuff goes in, bad stuff comes out. You do the math.
Another thing that I learned is that guarding my heart is not done on my own strength or abilities. That’s why in Philippians 4 Paul writes “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus“. The peace of God will guard my heart. He then writes “...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Whatever you have learned or recieved or heard from me, or seen in me–put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” Put these good things into practice and the God of peace will be with me and the peace of God will guard my heart. Put these things into PRACTICE. We need to practice doing these things–build these habits. Thinking good things does not come naturally.
It’s similar to what I wrote in my previous entry about turning from evil. We need to meditate on God’s word so that we can guard our hearts with scripture. ”Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes [which is everyday!], you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.“
Jesus’ heart was broken. His heart still breaks probably every moment of every day. Yet he still loves. I can’t do that. I can’t love like that. When I’m hurt, I’m tired, I’m beat, I’m defeated–I can’t continue to love! Are you kidding me? That’s why it’s good that Jesus can do it and He gives us his love so that we can love others. Love is a very powerful thing and Jesus loved us first. So He’s already given us His power, strength, and courage to love others in return.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. - Luke 11:9
I would like to add that just because I’m no longer in denial doesn’t mean that I’ve made any progress beyond my words.
Published on 10 Jul 2008 at 11:27 am.
3 Comments.
Filed under Life Issues, Thoughts.
I just want you to know that when reading this,you took the words right out of my mind and onto paper. I know exactly where you are! It is so hard and can hurt, just the fear of getting hurt can hurt! It’s crazy, but your words were so encouraging. God is using you to spread His amazing message. I appreciate it and may He continue to remove the scales from our eyes. Thanks again!:)
In Christ’s love,
your sister Brittany
Brittany on 31 Jul 2008 at 4:19 pm.
thank you. i’d explain, but its better just to say that reading this didn’t give me peace, but perhaps just a bit more light, which is so good for me to absorb right now. thank you.
lindsay on 12 Aug 2008 at 4:46 am.
I love the C.S. Lewis quotation, Jessica. I didn’t have time to read the remainder of your post. God’s blessings upon you!
Jeremy Priest on 3 Oct 2008 at 12:02 pm.